I often cringe when I hear one of the kids coughing through the monitors at night. In my head the questions begin: Is it the croup? Does one of them have the flu? Will Jake need a nebulizer treatment? Do they have fevers?
And last but not least: How many sick days do I have left?
Working full-time with two small kids is tough, but working full-time with two small kids when one or both of them is sick is even tougher. It means draining your sick time and begging and pleading with relatives (or in my case, my mother) to come babysit at a moment's notice.
What's most disturbing is that friends with older children keep warning me that it only gets worse. Once my boys get to school I'll have to contend with the school calendar, eight weeks off in the summer and countless holidays that aren't on my schedule. What will we do with them for a week in February and a week in April?
When parents only get two weeks of vacation time and about 10 sick days a year, how do you make it all work? To be honest, as much as I'm looking forward to the money we'll be saving once the boys get to public school, I'm terrified about the juggling act we'll have to master in order to keep our jobs.
A colleague of mine has found a way to make it work, but just barely: her seven year old son spends mornings with a neighbor, who walks him to school. When his kindergarten gets out at 1:30 he goes to an after school program until 4, and then to a babysitter until she or her husband gets home at 5:30. Good lord, what happens if one, two or three of those things don't work out on the same day??
My good friend is writing an article for the Boston Parent's Paper about this subject and is wondering how other moms handle it. Any advice? Any stories to share? Any words of wisdom? If you have anything you think either she or I could use, send me an email and I'll pass it on.
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19 comments:
Well. Um. This is probably not the helpful suggestion you were looking for . . . but here's what I did. I quit my job. It was the sick days that really sealed the deal for me. Every time one of the kids got sick Glenn and I would go into negotiation mode. Which one of us had stayed home with a sick child most recently? Which one of us had a big project or important meeting going on at work that day? Which one of us had more flex time left to use? Was the child really that sick? Could we possibly send the child to school anyway? (No, we never actually did that, but it crossed our minds on more than one occasion, and that just goes to show you how crazed we were becoming!) Then there were all the other reasons. The kids hated going to child care after school. They wanted to be home. They wanted to be able to do after school activities, which required a parent to be available to drive them and pick them up. We all wanted to feel less rushed, less pressured, less stressed. In the end, the money I was making wasn't worth the stress. Our lives were way out of balance, and so I said enough. I stopped working not because we conform to strict gender roles that say the husband should work while the wife stays home, but simply because Glenn's income was substantially bigger than mine. Anyway, that's what we did. I'm not suggesting that's what's right for everybody. I realize that we are fortunate to be able to pull this off, and I know this isn't an option for everyone. It's just what makes sense for us.
I don't know how you balance it in a big city. I live in a small town and most employees let parents go pick thier kids up and take them home to a sitter or we have an after school program. This is the one reason I haven't given up my teaching job because it will work perfect when my kids are in school they will go with me in the morning and leave with me in the afternoon and we will be on all the same breaks.
One more thought could you cut your hours back to be off when school gets out?
I really don't know how you do it! I am currently on Mat leave and I am struggling with the notion that in a few months I will have to go back to work. I really do not want to go. But financially I don't really have a choice. I am glad to see other moms are struggling with the same thing. Are stay at home moms becoming extinct??
Oh, I so relate with this post. It is a huge source of stress when one of my four kids are sick. I worry about their health, like any mom would, but then I also worry about calling in sick (which I hate to do). I am a teacher, so I have plenty of vacation time with summers and holidays. But last year I used up more than my allotted sick days, and not one was used for myself being sick. Luckily my husband has a flexible job so he can often stay home with them.
Chasity
I suppose I have been lucky for a number of reasons:
1. My kids don't get that sick.
2. When they do get sick it's on the weekends.
3. my husband works at nights so he can be home with them.
4. my mother in law (who watches the kids in the morning while my husband sleeps) will be with them when they are sick.
I thin you will either need to make sure you have a backup or make sure your husband and yourself save the sick time. Good luck.
www.momhoodbliss.blogspot.com
It's definitely a tricky situation. It's hard enough to balance our own schedules, let alone our kid's schedules too. Finding a trusted family member or friend to help out is always a good idea.
AskMelissa.com
Resources for Working Moms
I have not had to deal with this yet but know challenges are ahead!
Thanks for your blog! It's encouraging to know there are so many other moms out there going through the same thing. I am a mom of three (an 8 yr old, a 6 yr old with Autism, and a 3 yr old) working full time on a management contract with the local utility. Although the job is fantastic, contract means no paid sick time and no benefits. When one of the kids gets sick my husband and I have to alternate taking time off with no pay, and I dread calling in sick. We found summer camps with the YMCA have been a great way to find excellent care throughout school breaks... and we noticed that the longer the kids have been in school/daycare they have built up a better immunity to illness and are not getting sick as often. Hang in there - you are not alone!
hi! im working mum with 2 beautiful daughters and a handsome son. its really tiring and sometime i just want to quit my job. but ...education ,medical and living are too expensive. i have to work for my wonderful children.
Ok, so we're in the same pickle at home. Always competing over which one of us will take leave; what meeting is more important, whose turn is it this week kinda deal. We pretty much end up losing so much leave that we can't take "real" family vacations. My suggestion is put an announcement at a local college campus; college students are young and tend to need the extra bucks. Also, I put an advertisement on care.com and it has helped a lot. Don't post on craigslist, its kinda creepy because just about anybody could reply. Eww. I ended up paying the fee for the sitting site and it has paid off really well. Also, I have made friends at church (stay at home moms) and I offer to pay for their services (never for free people! they have kids of their own!). Anyway, it has worked out, but its not perfection.
wow, that sure is one tough role. i can relate to that. especially one of my kids has pneumonia and he is having a hard time breathing too. I was so confused what to do since I am just babysitting them alone and also working online. Good thing there's this interesting company I just joined in. Alma & Co. , have you heard of it? Their website is www.myalmaco.com .They have all the fashion jewelries you need and you can also earn with no bounderies.
This is tricky. My children's school nurse o so crazy. She requires you to get to school and pick you kids up 15 minutes from her call or she just keeps calling. Both my husband and I work in positions that do not afford us to leave work on a short notice. We utilize extended famil everyone has a day they are on call. We keep on calendar with the names and phone number. We sometimes use PT-working or stay at home moms in the school district too.
Thanks for your blog post! I was googling working mom blogs today, out of desperation, just to know that there are others out there, and to see what their experiences have been. My frustration is the same. My husband and I both are full-time employees of the federal government. We have a 3.5 year old and a 17 month old. My son (the older one) and daughter (younger one) are constantly getting sick as my son goes to preschool, and is bringing everything home. My problem is that I took so much advance Sick leave that it will take another 18 months to "pay it off," and so taking additional sick leave is really hard. I have asked my boss 1,000,000 times if I can "work from home," ie "telecommute," and he constantly says no, as it would be a liability for my employer to let me work if one of my children is unwell. So, I am constantly struggling with how to get around having to take time off to care for my kids... and we are always doing staycations because we use up all of our vacation time on sick kids.
I don't think there really is a solution to the dual-income-multiple-kids issue other than to do as much as you can, and if you reach a tipping point with respect to scheduling, etc, then something has to give. And it's usually mom who gives, because that's what we do, right?
Again, I can't say thank you enough. It is just so relieving to share experiences with others, share the frustrations, because sometimes empathy is enough to make me feel strong enough to get through really hard times. So I appreciate your blog and consistent tackling of issues to which I can relate very well.
Yours,
SSS
s encouraging to know there are so many other moms out there going through the same thing. I am a mom of three (an 8 yr old, a 6 yr old with Autism, and a 3 yr old) working full time on a management contract with the local utility. Although the job is fantastic, contract means no paid sick time and no benefits. When one of the kids gets sick my husband and I have to alternate taking time off with no pay, and I dread calling in sick. We found summer camps with the YMCA have been a great way to find excellent care throughout school breaks... and we noticed that the longer the kids have been in school/daycare they have built up a better immunity to illness and are not getting sick as often. Hang in there - you are not alone!
For working moms this type of situation is always there. Thanks for discussing this issue and attracting the attention of readers over this topic.
We have the same problem too because our daycare son't take them when their sick, but my daughter is always sick since she started daycare because she gets it there. We are considering getting a nanny off care.com to watch her at home again, but it is hard to find someone for the same price as daycare.
It's so stressful. Being a working mom is the worlds biggest juggling act. And wealthy actors get awards shows. ::eye roll::
A few tips for handling work and parenthood when kids are sick, off, etc.
Work from home when they are sick
Hire a great nanny
Plan on 1-3 days per year
Regarding summer, plan a great summer camp schedule and hire college kids home for the summer to make the summer fun (give them an allowance too to invest in our children's "fun)
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