My husband recently gave me a fascinating book: "I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids." It's written by two moms my age who interviewed hundreds of other moms around the country to get the real story about whether or not motherhood is living up to Norman Rockwell's expectations.
Not surprisingly, it often isn't.
This book is really interesting. After initially saying how happy they all are, they later agreed that changing diapers, wiping runny noses, soothing croupy babies, cleaning up after their kids and playing chauffeur isn't all it's cracked up to be.
But my favorite part are the "dirty little secrets." Every few pages features another one from another mom - they're all horrifyingly awful, and incredibly relatable. A few of my favorites:
"If I find myself having a crazy day, and I find myself talking to someone on the cell phone, I"ll sometimes just hang up and pretend it was bad reception."
"I let my six-year-old watch Access Hollywood with me."
"I've locked my kids in the car not once, not twice, but three times."
"I like to go to Starbucks alone...I get to drink the whole coffee while it's hot without interruption. My "latte name" is Kim and in my mind she is still single and lives in the city with no kids."
Who doesn't have a dirty little secret about parenting? Here's mine:
One day I was so distracted from work that when I picked up Owen I just plunked him into his carseat and didn't buckle the straps. About 5 minutes later, stopped at a red light I looked in the rear view mirror and saw his face just inches from mine, grinning wildly. He had jumped down from his seat and was trying to climb in front. After a quick heart attack and near-miss with the car next to me, I pulled into the nearest driveway, jumped out of the car and strapped him in again. Mid-way through the strapping our eyes met and he kept smiling, quite proud of himself. Without meaning to, I smiled back. I didn't tell Dave for a few weeks.
OK, that's mine. Anyone else have a good one?
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3 comments:
I have been reading your blog for a few weeks but I just fell in love a little bit today reading your dirty little secret.
When my daughter was very small I picked her up from my mom's house after a very long day at work and I drove for a short distance before realizing her infant car seat wasn't snapped into the base at all. It was just sitting there waiting to be pushed in a little bit. It makes my heart stop every time I think about it!
Unfortunately, I have more than my fair share of dirty little secrets. I once placed Chloe in her infant seat next to the fridge while I was doing some housework. I was in the process of placing some trays on top of the fridge (doesn't everybody store their trays there?), and the phone rang. In my rush to get to the phone, I neglected to make sure eveything was placed securely up there. Moments later a heavy pewter tray came crashing down and landed -- you guessed it -- on Chloe's head. Amazingly she was fine. There was no giant egg on her head, no bruise, nothing. And obviously no brain damage, either, since she's now 7 years old and reading fifth grade material. Nevertheless, I am overcome with guilt every time I think about it.
Sorry that this took so long to post (it took me awhile to figure out which of my dirty little mothering secrets wouldn't cause child welfare officials-or my mother-in-law- to knock on my door)Here it is: Sometimes, I realize that my children have gone an entire weekend without a regular meal. I have a six-year-old and an 18-month-old, and they are far too happy to live on cereal out of the box, Annie's bunny-shaped (they're really good) spaghettios, and crackers with cream cheese. This wouldn't be so terrible if I wasn't such a food tyrant during the week. (And God help me if Suzanne ever reads this comment!) I am the world's most self-righteous, judgemental, obnoxious amateur nutritionist. I don't know when this weekend free-for-all started, but it's become a pretty regular event. So, on Sunday nights, I swear that the kids will eat nothing but raw veggies, whole-grain bread, and chicken for the next week. Fortunately, they're pretty content to eat whatever we give them, so I've been able to keep up my good-mother facade. We'll see how long it lasts!
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